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Sunday, July 15, 2007

If u wan sumthing.....u have 2 sacrifice another thing in return.........

For my work,I have sacrifice my time which is alr lacking in sufficient.....
And my sch work+projects,it's sucking my time like a endless black hole........
And teaching wilson further reduce wat's left of my minute free time.....
And now....i still have research that i dun even have the time for.....
My supervisor is like a f*ckin as*hole tt expect me 2 work more often....
Even though i cant blame him but the company for nt hirin more ppl....*we onli have 3 person...2 of them are part timer.......
His f*ckin attitude is the 1 thing i cant stand.....*my tolerance is usually very good mainly becos i can stand wilson...*
All of my collagues agrees tt his f*ckin attitude sux like hell......*No wonder he CANT rise beyond wat he is now...*
My projects is coming 1 after another.....and my test just ended.....waves after waves....then nxt nxt wk gt test liaoz....It's like asking a pig 2 guard ur food......*how can i study when i have my f*ckin work tt i have 2 f*ckin comply wif....*
Even though teaching wilson is optional.....i feel that if i can make him study.....even if the chance of him passin is a minute 1...He can still make it....i quote from boon..."if you try, you may not succeed, but you can only succeed if you try, so just try"....and the onli way is 2 ask him 2 do work and he can onli do tt when i m there.......
I alr feel like quitin my job cos i cant handle the stress from work and my projects.....nt 2 mention the stress of teaching wilson......
I dun think i can still take anymore than wat i have alr taken in.....
Tis few day in work,my collagues all say tt i m veri emo.....i dun denied tt i m abit.....cos of my work and sch....but my supervisor is realli askin 2 much of me.....e.g my shedule next wk.....all i ask is that i can go home at around 630....*tt was my request*...wat he came back wif is me workin until closing.....let me tell u....a part timers request is more impt then a full timer's.....hear tis convo...

My in-charge: U noe tt our shop manpower is link 2 my ex-shop..then morn we alr gt enuff manpower....u have 2 chn 2 afternoon....
Me:*taken aback...*i cant....i gt sch early in the morn.....*my request was rejected as ppl frm his ex-shop gt ppl workin there in the mornin....He is f*ckin baised against me....*

A few mins later,
My in-charge:since u gt sch tml....i put u morn....but until 930 then go home...
Me: Wat??*my shops closes at 10......wat is the f*ckin difference between me workin full.....*
My in-charge:if u are not happy wif tis u can tell our manager!..
At tis time i have no choice but 2 comply.....but my rage is consumin me....and i feel like punchin him in face n quitin in front of him....but then again...i made a promise 2 my fren tt i'll stay for 2 more months....I can oso complain 2 the manager*which is my cousin's wife..*..but then i dun wan 2 let ppl think tt my manager is baised.....
And he tone is also like the kind tt feels like saying tt all tis thing u r doin is the right 1...the rest are none of his concern...he onli care about himself...nvr abt other...

After that,i have remain slient for the whole night....except for servin customers and talk when my collague engage me.....

Now i m at home...typin all my frustration and sorrow into tis blog...my msn nick cant display any of tis content cos i add my cousin on msn....i dun wan him 2 tell his wife and ppl may feel that they are baised....
As the saying goes....Another's man gain is another's man loss....it's the same case for me....

I m realli tired of all tis.....

I was once a person who take everything lightly which result in a veri stress-free environment....but now....i have changed....my responsibility has been increased drastically....but...rome wasnt built in 1 day....but in my case....it feels like it.....

Ppl may said tt there is always a choice for everything....but the sacrifice for the choice tt is right is far too heavy for them 2 bear....which man do not wan....so there is no choice for them....the same applys 2 me....

For my work,i have sacrifice more than just time......it's frens....becos i have 2 commit so many days 2 it....i cant even meet my fren for thing anymore....life have been work and study for me.....I have viewed all my frens blogs.....They are alr so used 2 it tt they dun even bother 2 ask me out.....i dun blame them becos every single time tt they ask me out....i was always working....and on the days i dun....they assume tt i m nt free due 2 my fexible workin time....for example...most of my fren have all watched harry potter....which left me as the onli 1 who didnt....i felt joy from their words after watchin it but nvr realli experience it myself....

I dunno y but...i have be quite emotional tis day...though i nvr expressed it on my face..so far onli my collague have seen it...*mainly becos they r nt tt close 2 me....so even if they knew...it's nt a matter of their's*.....my heart has clearly shown it....ppl like me tends 2 put a mask in front of our actual emotion to cover up and prevent others but the ones who knew him 2 well to see....even the ones who knew him well noes have 2 felt it frm his heart as he wont tell anyone...even the closest of ppl 2 him...
Then 1 day,he break downs and collaspe from the overwhelmin emotions tt is kept inside for so long..

To just sum it all...my works is asking too much of me....i m realli realli too tired 2 continue wif tis kind of life....

If u find me 2 quiet....it's nth wrong...just tt it's my own matter and i hope 2 face on my own....for i noe tt it's my own demon and i would nt wan 2 implicate other into tis matter and cause unnesscessary harm 2 anyone other than myself....tis may seem proud and arrogant 2 others....but if tis is wat stops u...i m fine wif tt explaination....

My world has changed from frens and freedom...to work/study and stress....

After 2 months....i hoped i can still recover the old "life"

But for now....It's a war tt i must conquer myself without any1's help....tt the onli ways i can advance....

I feel better after i have spit everything out of my chest....

Since i still have sch early in the morning....i stop here....

{8:39 AM}